Where I spray-paint my thoughts…

Candlelight in Central Park

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I haven’t posted because … I guess because I wanted to keep that last post on top of the page. Symbolizing, maybe, the fact that it’s hard to move on when you’ve lost someone. I think the loss of my friend Jamie will still be at the top of my mind for a long time, but for a transition, I thought I’d put something else on the top of my blog … a song that he and I both loved, by an artist who, like Jamie, died too soon. A song that sounds, now, strangely prescient, because it’s about death, and being ready to say goodbye. Hope you like it.

The last time I commented on Jamie’s blog was on his last blog post, back in November, when he wrote a beautiful poem called “Goodbye.” In the comments, I said, “I can’t imagine saying goodbye.”  Jamie quoted this song in his response, saying “When I look back on the stars, it’ll be like candlelight in central park……I can’t truthfully do the next line yet, though…” I pointed out that Rich Mullins, who died in a car accident, might not truly have felt so sanguine about death either, if he’d had time to face his own death as a person with a diagnosis of cancer does.

It would be nice to be at peace enough with life, death, God and the afterlife that you could say goodbye without heartbreak, but the fact is just about anyone who has time to think about it is going to be heartbroken for the sake of those left behind.

Which reminds me of something else … the last time Jamie commented on my blog was also in November, when I wrote a tribute to my co-worker Jeff, who died suddenly. Now, just a few months later, I’ve found myself posting blogging about Jamie’s death. That’s twice in a few months that I’ve poured heart and soul into writing a tribute for someone I cared about who was gone much too soon.

I’ve been told in both cases I did a lovely job of memorializing them, but … I really haven’t got another good tribute left in me. So I’m serving notice to all my family and friends: nobody else is allowed to die until at least the end of 2011. This is non-negotiable, folks, so please take care of yourselves.

Because it does break my heart to say good-bye.


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